I know what inspiration is

It is something you want badly but no matter how close it is to you, you can't have it.

The act of staring at that thing keeps the dream alive though you know there's no future on that;

It’s rewarding seeing that thing exists for you to stare at and leaves a soft smile and a certain glow in your face.

quarter life

The world is packed with hints on how to live life. To begin with, people just have to be extra sensitive to accept and appreciate the things that happen, that is every little thing, to be exact. Wisdom is learned through the mind, heart and time.

Being in the quarter life makes me realize and reanalyze things I did, said and thought of, of how my perceptions have changed or sustained after all these years since I came to being. I can’t practically be the carefree teenager or a rebel that I used to be, perhaps in all my thoughts and actions maturity should always tag along. There are things you learn and things you want to unlearn, and certainly be sure to know the dividing line between reality and a story you just heard from someone you thought you knew.

To round things up let me itemize what I have learned in my recent adventures and misadventures in life.

A few months ago I have seen a friend suffer from hyperthyroidism which has already led to various internal organ malfunctions. She is in her mid 40s, single but too late to mingle. I have never seen a friend in such situation before and to add to the fact that there was nothing much I could do to help, except for prayers and moral support. She was very sick and went on a coma. While her brother takes care of the financial needs, another friend of hers was taking care of her in all the time she was in the hospital. Having only a few members in her family, and her mom with Alzheimer’s disease, she has no one to take care of her. Her nieces and nephews would sometimes drop by to visit but doesn’t stay much long. Even so, I still find her lucky because she is a Filipino, knowing that the term family and friends can always be synonymic when necessary.

The thought of her fate and the life she is living bring me to ‘what if’ moments and a few reconsiderations in my own life. First, get married. Since I was a kid I was so consistent with the idea that I will be single forever, maybe because I value individualism. But looking at the other side, I see the importance of having a family you’ll put up with, a family who’ll stay no matter what happens simply because of love and care. Second, take good care of your health in all the way you can. Everything you do and you do not do affect your health greatly, so be careful. It may not take effect soon but it will affect you at some point in time. Without a sound mind and body, things around you are useless. Third, make sure that the friends you keep are the ones who are for real. Lucky if you’ll find someone who is willing to wipe your ass when things get messy. Fourth, have children; have more than three if possible. Raise them well, take good care of them and teach them how to take care for others. Teach them to pay forward the goodness other people show them. Teach them how to pray, and to have faith. And finally the fifth live a grudgeless life and absorb optimism. I was watching Spongebob one morning when it caught me how light hearted he is even though at most times he is naïve and others take advantage of him. But no matter how rude others treat him, he never take things to his heart, he shows hurt and disapproval but he picks himself from where he had fallen to see the bright side and put emphasis to what’s right and what should be done.

If I am going to play a song right now, it would be Happiness by Lea Salonga and Smile by Uncle Cracker.

Going back to the friend I told you about, she got out of the hospital and coping up with what seem to be second life. I think life gives us chances, the moment you have it, use it and learn from it.

Clementine

I was in 4th grade when i heard a version of the song Clementine which put me in
fear for some time. One of my classmates was asked to sing it to the class and
as I listened to her, the lyrics of the song started to linger in my long term memory
and see images of me as Clementine in the song. We were even asked to copy the
lyrics from the green board to our notebooks and to be memorized:

On an island in a country
in a farm house far away
lives a farmer and his daughter
and i often hear him say

oh my daughter
oh my daughter
oh my daughter Clementine
if you ever leave this island
i will miss you Clementine

On a banca, in the water
Clementine softly sings
oh my father
oh my father
I'm so sorry I can't stay
I shall go and see the city
I shall come back again someday


It was always a wonder to me if Clementine did ever return home
or was her father still alive when she got back
what if from that banca was her the last view of her dad
Perhaps her father was a widow and left behind by his free-spirited daughter
because she wants to see the other side of the world.

It's been sixteen years since the first time i heard the song but until now
the thought of those what ifs still hunt me.
Life can be so uncertain but in any case we must always see to it that we do not
miss what's essential . Regret can be the worst punishment.

Almost 2 years now after my grandfather passed away, I am still so thankful that in
the years before, I have come to learn the song that made me a more sensible
person.
A year before he was diagnosed with cancer I left our little hometown to see what's on the other side of life, though he was very much against it, he couldn't do anything. I was a Clementine.
It broke his heart. All I had were consoling words of coming back soon and staying safe at all times.
But when he became so ill, the song played back in my head, and was getting to my
consciousness. There was no second thought though, I was all set to go home before it's too late. A couple of months after I got home was also his turn for a journey.The whole family was right beside him 'til his very last breath. I was never late to bid him farewell.